Importance of Support

Emiliya Cante

5/15/20237 min read

I struggled with depression during pregnancy, then I had even worse depression after birthing my child. Much of the past trauma that made me feel lonely and unworthy of love or care would flood my mind, drowning out the joy of being a mom. I was haunted by the feeling there was something wrong with my marriage, my life, and for sure, there must be something wrong with me. The meltdowns increased until they became a daily experience that spiraled my thoughts out of control. I would cry out to God for help. I would beg Him to save me from all of this or take me to Him. I never thought of suicide, or harming my lovely baby, but I was asking God to take us away. After seeing me like this, my husband encouraged me to call the church and ask for help. I called the first time but help did not appear. I called again and went to see a church counselor but it wasn’t the right fit for me. I called again and the church gave a reference to another counselor to see along with my husband. Unfortunately, after 8 weeks, we were even worse than before. In misery, I called the church again. This time, I was referred to a lady who was mentoring young women and the healing began. This sister in Christ picked me up mentally and spiritually, carried me in her heart, and prayed for me. She became my discipler and mentor. When I asked for more help, she connected me with a great counselor whose approach was just what I needed. I worked hard, studied the Word of God, and gradually rose out of depression. I start to be more effective in my life and be present in my baby’s life too. As the growth in my life got my husband’s attention, my mentor and counselor did not leave me but guided us in the right direction. I joined Bible Study where I found more great sisters in Christ. As my network of support grew, I found it easier to learn and love. Now I am getting to know more people so I can expand my support team and hopefully help others build their own friendship circle.

I wanted to share my little story to announce that we can all grow strong, no matter what kind of past you have lived. I did not grow up in a supportive community. I had a complicated family that withheld support during hard times. As an adult, I have discovered that support and friendships are vital in a woman’s life. The benefits of having good people in your life motivate me to find those Godly people and to become one of those kind and supportive believers. I trust you want to join this pursuit too!

DO NOT GIVE SATAN ROOM!

Did you know that Satan wants believers to be separated from each other (James 4:7, 1Cor. 1:10, 2 Cor. 13:11, Galatians 3:28, Phil. 2:3)? God is a God of unity, and when people are separated, they do not do what God is calling them to do, and it is easier for the Devil to battle one person than the crowd. So, by staying alone, you are giving Satan leverage to attack you and win in certain situations. But when you have one, two, three, or ten people who are praying for you, to whom you can run for help and prayer, Satan has to get through them first to get a hold of you. In a spiritual battle, Satan will go after you no matter what, but at least you can have your own small army to go against him. Believe me, I know. When I started having two people pray for me and over me, I found I could win my battles rather than lose them.

Visual example: Get one stick or twig. Can you break it? Of course, you can and it would be very easy for you. Then pick up 5 of the same sticks or twigs. Can you break them down? Well, now it wouldn’t be as easy. When you are alone, it is easy to break you but when you have other believers stand beside you, Satan will have to work a lot harder to break you down.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!

As you heard, I didn’t get help from people immediately from the first call. It took me months to finally find someone who helped me and became my dear friend. If you are currently searching for your support team, please don't be discouraged. The end results are worth it! Be serious about your future and, if people reject you or forget you, continue to knock and the door will be opened. Don’t give up just yet. There are a lot of places you can go for help or friendship, so keep knocking! As the Bible says that you should “ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” - Matthew 7:7

God is faithful, so ask, ask, ask; pray, pray, pray; knock, knock, knock; - and I guarantee you (well based on God’s promise of course) you will receive what you are asking for.

LET YOURSELF GROW

When you don’t grow, you deteriorate. This is the law of Physics, the law of business, and the law of life. If you don’t grow as a person, as a child of God, you are not going to remain at the same place in your walk. You will slowly start moving backward. Yes, you can grow alone, but you will have faster and better results if you join with friends who can help you grow and encourage you to become a better version of yourself. Just like a vine. Have you ever taken care of a vine? Gardeners need to provide support for the vine for it to grow better and for it to produce more fruit. Without support, the vine would lie on the ground and struggle to have much fruit. Even if the vine bears fruit, the insects, bugs, and other creatures would eat it all up before it could be harvested. To be sure, Christ is our greatest source of help and He is the best friend you can ever have. He wants us to encourage each other (Hebrews 3:13) so He created us to live in a community where we can help and lift one another up. With support, just like a vine, you will grow, bloom, and bear much fruit.

BE COURAGEOUS

When I started to understand the worth of friends and community, I began to learn more about communication. I wanted to understand how to engage with people more and be more friendly, interesting, and understanding. Then, I would go to the women’s meetings at the church and meet new people. I tried my best to be friendly, read their body language (to make sure they wanted to talk to me), and prepare some questions to ask them to get the conversation started. If I noticed the person didn't want to talk and only responded with short answers, I would politely dismiss myself and begin looking for someone else to meet. When I encountered someone who was engaging, open, and even asking questions back, I would conclude God wanted me to get to know her better. I asked more serious questions, such as, “When did you meet Christ,” and “How did you meet Christ?” If the conversation carried on naturally, I would consider that I may have met a potential friend and I would ask for her phone number so we could stay in touch.

Even though it was uncomfortable at first, I knew I had to be brave enough to ask questions and meet new people. It’s hard! I have gone through it and discovered it is manageable. Instead of focusing on your discomfort, remind yourself that you have a higher goal - to make new friends or find support. If there are no meetings at your church, seek out a Bible Study, or find people at the Sunday service. It’s possible to find good and caring people. They are out there. All we need to do is pray and go boldly to meet new people.

VALUE NEW RELATIONSHIPS

We live in a busy world where it is easy for people to get distracted. This can make it challenging to make friends and build lasting friendships. We all need friends, however, so even though your to-do list is full and your days are occupied with many things, I want to encourage you to be the friend you would like to have yourself. God is calling us to be friendly (Proverbs 18:24) and it needs to begin somewhere. If you commit to being encouraging, I believe you will find people who will respond to your friendliness and care. I am also pretty sure that not every person you meet will become your friend. There might be differences that will keep you from getting close and that is fine. Please do not get discouraged. Instead, set a goal for how many close friendships you would like to have and keep meeting other women who have similar lives to your own. Be realistic with your schedule, your energy level, and your family needs but keep looking.

If a person is asking for support, be their support, if they want to be friends, be friends. If they want to pray with you, pray with them. If they want to pray for you, let them pray for you. Seek to build healthy and supportive relationships. Pray for wisdom (James 1:5) as you ask God to guide you to the right ones and protect you from unhelpful or dangerous relationships.

REMEMBER

As daughters of God, we are called to be an encouragement to one another. Together we can stand strong, “value others above ourselves” (Philippians 2:3), and resist Satan’s attempts to divide us (James 4:7). You can’t fight alone but you don’t need to! You need people, you need prayers, you need Godly friends and they need you. I pray you to find the courage to go out there and find your supportive community of friends. Your sisters in Christ are waiting to meet you!


One of the loneliest times in my life was when I was pregnant and gave birth. I was only 21 when gave birth to my son, and I have been married only over a year. Meltdowns on the floor, holding my baby, sleepless nights, baby crying all the time, allergies, GERD. It was a hard time for me, I had almost no help. My husband would sleep in a different room so he could get a whole night's sleep and go to work, and my mom would come, hold the baby for a little, would tell me that I got this (well, it's just one baby, not like my sister with 4), and leave. My husband's family would come, bring food, eat, talk (mostly to my husband because I would be busy with the baby or too tired to talk), look at the baby, and leave, and sometimes I would need to finish cleaning up after all.

four women looking down
four women looking down

"Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered" Proverbs 11:25